Bellwether (n) the leading sheep of a flock, with a bell on its neck.
If you try to find our farm by GPS- good luck. You will turn down a neighbor's drive, take the wrong road to a different neighbor, turn into my mother-in-law's gate. We don’t live in the middle of nowhere, but Google Maps struggles with us.
I find myself in the same position as we turn to winter. What direction do I go? There are endless possible roads and routes to take: the shelters that need built, the water heaters that need purchased, the rams moved into breeding groups. Not to mention the giant masses of wool to be processed and sold in the garage.
And again the non-agriculture/business. Navigating family dynamics,helping deal with life, mental health, physical health. Where do I go?
Many people claim they have guides, directions. But in the end we are a lost flock, hoping to find that strong one who leads us. Who knows. People claim sheep are stupid because they follow. Yet they are never lost. They follow blindly, almost. What they really have is a very strong sense of trust. Trust. Faith. Hope that that one will lead them to safety, food. That sheep is the bellwether. The leader, often wearing a bell ( obviously). When our sheep open graze, it is the lead ewe we want to entice back to the pen with a bucket of grain. When she goes, most will follow. Even our loner girl-Freida-will look up and eventually follow the flock. Many times that guide is not the one we expect; currently one of our young rescue shetland ewes (Ida) is the bellwether (minus bell). How on earth did she receive this high position? No idea.
Maybe none of us are really ready for the lack of direction life brings. And maybe that’s why sheep and I are kindred spirits. Sheep are also afraid, nervous—cautious. I have always been nervous, afraid, and so, so cautious. Looking for that trusted soul, the leader, but unwilling to always go in their direction. Deep within those worries are my own family, my flock. How do I be the lead? How do I wear the bell? Am I being the person I need to be for my children? My wife? My students?
Tonight, I still look to find that one . Someone to follow in what can only be explained as chaos. I am not that leader; I feel lost. Scared. Alone. A lost lamb. There is always one. Bleating sadly. One who has fallen behind, lost the way, until a voice rings out and brings them home.
For now, I will need to look for, and to be, a bellwether. To follow. To trust through the terrain that is - at the moment- rocky, uneven, full of danger. If I can not lead, I follow who I trust. And if others call out, I will be that voice that hopefully brings them back into the fold.